I’m sure that this shirt, that no doubt is available in a local tuscaloosa mall kiosk near you for a modest price, is 100% cotton or some sort of polyfiber blend, which allows for both comfort and excellent range of motion when you are attempting to stick your man purse on the head of unsuspecting late night fast food patrons. [HT: Fox]

Happy Australia Day, Kiwis…Who knew that an island filled with English criminals and ne’er do wells could produce both beer in over-sized cans and howitzer legged, co-ed wranglin’ swagga in only 225 years or cultural development.  That’s just aggressive evolution right there.

In their honor…everyone, of course, do the Brad Wing.

Good news for fans of social media and middle aged men with obvious drinking problems, former candidate for the school board in Conway, Arkansas, and FOTP favorite, Dwight David Honeycutt is on Twitter.  No confirmation on whether or not it is actually him but with tweet gems like “Just had sex with a woman who has four kids. She said, “Last time I felt something that big, it was shoulders” and “Toby Keith is at home with his dick in his hand and I’m here at karaoke making his song my bitch. Fuck you, America”…I gotta believe its probably him.

Tiger Woods, long a dweller of the bottom levels of the Loser Hot Girl Pyramid

Following up on the genesis of a conversation Rick Muscles and I had on last week show, we spend the entirety of the show discussing the pyramid of loser hot girls.  Be enthralled as we explore the pros and cons of being a hot rod magazine model and the real reasons why Hooters waitresses wear those oppressive white tub socks.  Absolutely nothing involving Ole Miss athletics, or even sports in general (except for a brief John Fourcade reference), was discussed.  It’s a completely idiotic half hour.  I think it’s our best work to date. 

Listen here at 10 or download the iPhone app to listen on demand.

Les Miles isn’t in charge of Mardi Gras, because if he was, Jordan Jefferson would be the grand marshal of everything.  This would cause entire parade routes to veer off course and into on-coming traffic and beads to be thrown willy nilly at devastating rates of speed and less than desirable accuracy.  Despite such failure, Miles would keep Jefferson at his post…thankfully, someone else has been put in charge of such decisions and thus Jarrett Lee, along with Daddy’s boy T-Bob Hebert, will be the grand marshals for the Krewe of Zeus Mardi Gras parade in February.

FOTP would like to send out a special Happy Birthday to the first woman that any of us ever truly loved, Tiffani Amber Thiessen.  Bayside’s  first lady may turn 38 today (if this doesn’t make you feel ancient, nothing will), but she’ll always be our head cheerleader.  (We do not recognize short haired-Brian Austin-Green lovin’-90210 Kelly (Christ, eat a sandwich, Donna) or even boob job-ruin-our-adolescent-imagination-adult-photoshoot Kelly)

Happy birthday, Miss Kapowski.

Like the McRib he’s holding, @SummerofMallett is back for a limited time only (click to enlarge and make it your wallpaper, naturally)

I swore up and down that we would never resurrect him.  He is a professional now, after all, and a back-up who has spent most of his first year on the IR (those herp flare-ups can be debilitating) and regardless of the amount of fun and Jager Bombs we had at his expense, we were just going to let sleeping skanks lie, as it were.  But then his team, the New England Patriots, up and got themselves in the Super Bowl and basically left us with no choice but to revive the Twitter feed, for a limited time.  There is just too much comedy and too many words ending with “s” that are begging to end with “z” involved here to miss a two week run by a having-absolutely-no-responsibility #15 through a throng of pre-parties and farmer’s daughters in the nation’s heartland for the Super Bowl.  You can bet that the only thing “inactive” about #15 over the next to weeks will be his status for the actual game.  Consider him the FOTP Super Bowl correspondent, if you will.

Follow it all, HERE.  SHOTZ fired!