With the release of GTA 4 this week, we thought it only appropriate to bring you this…
Latarian Milton is mad at his mom. “Damn, shoot, ol girl won’t let me watch Hannah Montana because she bootleg. I ain’t trying to hear that. My friend, he smoke real cigarettes.” In preparation for his future “sentence” as a DT for the Hurricanes, Latarian did what every self-respecting Miami fan does: TAKE WHAT YOU WANT. You see, life is like a video game. It’s true. And every time we use Reggie White to tackle Jim Kelly on a 4-3 Tiger Blitz, an ambulance comes out and loads him on a stretcher. We love you, John Madden Football 1992 (and you, Latarian. Can’t wait to see you cleat some FAU Owl in the throat because they have the audacity to try to play a night game against you, or come up surprisingly short against a “talented” Maryland team).
For all the Bama fans that we have angered by our warranted senseless bashing of Nick “Recruiting Tool” Saban and Alabama…we kid you know, we think Tommy Tuberville has big ears, Les Miles wears stupid hats, and Phil Fulmer has an unhealthy affection for Krispy Kreme donuts…but to make amens, we present you with this peace offering of Bama Poon in the bay in Orange Beach at the Mullet Toss from this past weekend. Nothing like a young lady, lounging in the healing waters of the Gulf of Mexico to make us break out into song…
It was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie yellow polka-dot bikini,
Since we consider throwing fish on a beach while drinking beer and listening to Sweet Home Alabama to be a legitimate sporting event (it’s just as legitimate as bowling), we ventured down to the Flora-Bama this past weekend to check out the festivities at the Mullet Toss on the famous Redneck Riviera. Check out some videos and photos after the break…
When you play your own golf course, you would expect to feel right at home. For John Daly at his Murder Rock Golf & Country Club in Branson, Missouri, that means shoeless, shirtless, in jeans, with a cigarette in his mouth. Check out the video here. [Video Courtesy of OzarksFirst.com]
We use the same joke as the fat middle-aged data entry clerk in your office when you ask her how her day is going (even though you really don’t care) to bring you our favorite links from the weekend.
In order to give everyone (read: all three of you) a break from sports-related news, FOTP proudly brings you some links to some celebrity gossip…the HOT and NOTEdition:
HOT. She’s more than meets the eye. Megan Fox is at the top of FHM’s hot list, so she’s first on our list. See some pics of her and all her No. 1 hotness here, here (looking good in a Motley Crue t-shirt), here and here.
HOT. She’s hot, even for a cartoon character, and now Jessica Rabbit has been updated by some guys who took time off from playing World of Warcraft. Now you can see her the way she was meant to be seen with “realistic lighting and textures.”
HOT. Gisele shows you her side boob. I’ll bet there was some lucky guy (though, he was probably gay) who got to rub her boobs, just like the guy who got to rub her ass. Tom Brady gets to do both and is probably getting tired of it by now. Damn him.
Seriously, if dude ran for the governor of Florida tomorrow he’d win in a landslide, election rules be damned
The Tim Tebow milk and cookies world tour, that seems to have greatly retarded the normal Florida schools offseason of petty larceny and weapons charges, continues as Tebow was honored by the Florida House and Senate. The Senate awarded him the “Medallion of Excellence” (its highest honor), while the House simply passed a resolution. We would assume the Florida State and Miami fans in the legislature weren’t too excited, but managed to remain civil during his appearance, especially during Tebow’s demonstration of the gator chomp. We can only imagine what would happen if something like this happened in Alabama for an Auburn or Alabama player…fighting perhaps:
Darren McFadden was on the floor of the NYSE this morning finding out where to invest his future NFL millions. With only two days until the draft, and despite his mother’s best attempts to run the Brinks truck off a cliff (I’d link the video but ESPN pulled it…apparently it isnt good for your son’s draft status to say your other boys do drugs but you told them to keep it away from Darren, well done mom), speculation has the former Arkansas running back and frequenter of fine piano bars going as early as the Raiders at 4 and as late as the Patriots at 7.
Due to DMac’s mere presence on Wall Street, the price of wood increased exponentially…
More photos and a forced Boiler Room reference after the jump.
You know how I know you’re a tool? You wear straw hats.
We and most of the SEC have always thought so. Apparently, so does the Altoona Curve minor league baseball team. On April 18, the Altoona Curve hosted a “Salute to Tools” night for their game against the Erie Seawolves:
In addition to apparatus-type tools, the human-type tools will also be featured on Friday. Former Miami Dolphins and current University of Alabama head football coach Nick Saban, who this year equated consecutive losses by his Alabama football team to Pearl Harbor and the September 11th Attacks, will be among the evening’s honorees.
Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer! How big of a “tool” do you have to be for an Altoona, PA minor league baseball team to honor you at a game? We expect a large number of LSU and Auburn alumni as well as Dolphins season ticket holders (if there is such a creature) in the stands. It is also rumored that Saban, who felt the NFL was just too tough or something like that, will also be honored at the upcoming “Salute to Quitters Night - If You Can’t Beat Them, Quit” on June 3. One can only imagine who will be honored for the upcoming “You Got Caught Night” [June 18] (insert Spitzer jokes here) and “Train Wreck Series - Ode to Fallen Stars” [August 6] (Amy Winehouse’s dealer to throw out the first pitch…probably).
Bunkie Perkins
Michael Medallion
