Friends of the Program

FOTP is coming to you fashionably late from the Auburn Spring game.  Ears has dumped his long time girlfriend (read: Gorgeous Al Borges), the one who used to do his homework and wash his clothes every week, for the hot new piece walking the hallways, the one all the popular guys (read: Urban Meyer) like.  Sure she spreads them wide and looks to score at every opportunity, but is she really ready for the gentile south, what with all its moral fiber and fear of the vertical pass.  To render a firsthand account and regale us with sexually explicit double entendre, we turn to our own War Eagle homer and animal husbandry expert, Michael Medallion.

Plainsmen, may the power of sexual innuendo set your offense free

The Tony Franklin System“Spread Eagle” Offense was on display this past Saturday on plains during the Auburn Tigers’ annual A-Day Game. Fans got brief flash of OC Tony Franklin’s “Spread Eagle” offense at last year’s Peach Bowl in a win over Clemson. On Saturday, Auburn fans got to witness the fully exposed offensive package (hooray crotch jokes!).

The biggest question on the minds of the orange and blue faithful, “Who is the next quarterback we’re going to boo off the field?“; or the ol’ Auburn standard rallying cry ”Who can beat those redneck Bammers again?” Well, even before the A-Day game, Franklin let it be known that Neil Caudle and Deron Furr (just out of high school) shouldn’t get their hopes up for the starting QB job. Sorry, Abby Caudle, don’t worry your brother will get over his disappointment. So, without further ado, the contestants, please:

Fighting out of the blue corner, weighing in at 205 lbs., hailing from Fort Smith, AR (now with three Wal-Marts!), The Peach Bowl Hero, The Master of Disaster, The King of Sting, The Dancing Destroyer, The Count of Monte Fisto…Apollo Creed…sorry…Kodi Burns.

Fighting out of the orange corner, weighing in at 212 lbs., hailing from Elizabethtown, KY, Tony Franklin’s Illegitimate Son…Chris Todd (Ed note: seriously Auburn fans, Franklin shows Todd too much love for them not to be related).

After watching the A-Day game from the high-rent North Club Level (FOTP rolls deep son!) at Jordan-Hare with bourbon drink in hand, FOTP’s pick (Read: flipped a coin…hey, it works for Anton Chigurh) is…”Kodi! Kodi! Kodi!” Honestly, both quarterbacks showed ability, but Burns did enough to garner the starting nod.

One thing’s for sure, this isn’t going to be your run-first, Tommy Tuberville offense. Think wild, pass-happy offense, the likes of which Auburn fans haven’t seen since the days when the evil elf (read: Terry Bowden) ruled the plains and 5′7″ Markeith Cooper played at running back. Robert Dunn, Chris Slaughter, Rodgeriqus Smith, Montez Billings, and Tim Hawthorne will need to catch the ball come fall if Auburn is going to be successful. Though, if Auburn needs to run the ball, the team has a “plethora“ of running backs (like always), Brad Lester, Mario Fannin, Ben Tate, and Tristan Davis, who are all pretty good, and who all should get playing time this upcoming season.

For less-than-clear and non-camera-steady A-Day highlights, so you can judge for yourself:

Many Auburn fans were in attendance (about 35,000), which included Auburn’s answer to the UK Jiggle Billy.  We are just glad Bobby Lowder is so excited about the season:

and, of course, this potential internet predator…or Auburn Elvis…whatever:

Auburn has one more scrimmage before the end of spring practice. Then, the waiting game begins for the start of the 2008 season and, more importantly, the arrival of a new crop of freshman Auburn poon (some of whom will have been born in 1990…which makes me feel real old).