In order to give everyone (read: all three of you) a break from sports-related news, FOTP proudly brings you some celebrity gossip:

• G.I. Joe’s Scarlett…same red hair, new black spandex uniform (now with super action boobie armor!). Photos of the entire G.I. Joe cast here. Yo Joe!
• The Secrets of The Hills Revealed! The show is scripted, Lauren Conrad really has a sex tape, Brody Jenner only dated Lauren Conrad to get on the show, the Heidi Montag’s music video for “Higher” was just a joke. Shocking! And, for all you hookers and sluts out there looking to save money on clothes, you need to check out Heidi’s new (and affordable) fashion line. Available very soon at your local neighborhood Hustler Store.
• Nicolas Cage’s son, Weston, will use his dark powers to rock your face off and haunt your nightmares.
• Bad news pedophile Harry Potter fans…Emma Watson is too old for you now.
• Aubrey O’Day used the tried-and-true method of generating celebrity buzz…wearing a see through shirt. Yeah nipples! [Site NSFW]
• Britney is learning Rule # 1 in the legal world, regardless of the outcome of a lawsuit – win, lose or draw - attorneys always get paid.