Friends of the Program

Look into the eyes of insanity at your own peril

We at FOTP need to admit something right here and now so there wont be any confusion in the matter, we watch American Idol.  Call it a guilty pleasure, a hypnotic attraction that we cannot combat, or maybe just out voracious love of show tunes, whatever the reason, the fact remains, we enjoy the show.  This year’s show features an eclectic range of faces and talent…theres the guy with the fancy cowlick who looks like he is fighting the urge to break out a Creed cover during every performance, theres the hairless twink who is too white for everyone’s own good (unless you live in Utah), theres the guy with smelly hair who broke out the cancer song on a ukulele…and, until last night, there was one who had a gleam of insanity in her eyes that only the truly criminally insane possess…

Last night, emotional basket case and generally bat-shit crazy female Brooke White was eliminated from the show.  I know that last sentence may be a little harsh as it relates to Mrs. Whites general disposition, and we guarantee you any and all females who read that just got a little upset.  In fact, any girl that we have even mentioned this to has had such a visceral reaction we now not even dare utter such an opinion in the presence of estrogen for fear of replies like “What!? She’s so pretty and adorable!”, “How could you say such a thing!  I think she’s great!”, ” You’re an asshole!”.  But show any guy who has ever dated crazy a video of her and they’ll agree that she has that look that only men who have memories of 3 AM phone calls from an uncontrollably weeping ex-girlfriend screaming at you and asking why you havent called to check on her even though you havent seen each other in 6 months, it must mean you dont care about her at all, why did you even date her in the first place can appreciate. 

Why havent you called!!

We all know this girl.  Completely harmless on the outside.  Blessed with talent and beauty, filled with energy and wonderment, the total package, no?  But theres a darker more sinister side, a side that will immediately burst into tears at the hint that a happy situation is about to waver in the least.   Its a side that always needs to get her way or else.  Its a side that will end up with you having to change your cell number because of the incessant Usher songs overlaying distant sobbing left on your voicemail.  Once you see it, you’ll never forget it. 

The crazy is strong with this one.  She has now been released, free to roam the streets…kind of like a Daywalker of Crazy but probably with more knives.  I beg you to be alert and aware at all times, and it might also be a good idea to keep your car in the garage for a while…for the tires sake.  American Idol, you are responsible for what happens next, but none of us are safe.