Tebow’s workout…more awesomer than a Rocky training montage

Men’s Fitness has apparently bribed Tim Tebow with enough orange Crocs and Roman Road conversion tracts to entice the Heisman winner to reveal his workout secrets.  We never really considered that Tebow actually worked out, we kind of figured he was either a bastard son of Jo-Rel or he was made up of several tiny Tebows who then combined to form Devastator Tebow on Saturdays.  We stand corrected.

Thanks to the many backchannels we’ve developed through our lucrative drug running conglomerate across the state of Florida, we were able to pick up an advanced copy of the mag and can reveal to you what a daily Tebow workout consists of:

6AM:  Every workout begins with a hearty breakfast, but Tim Tebow doesn’t eat Pop Tarts and Fruity Pebbles like mere mortals.  When Tebow wakes every morning he merely walks into his front yard to find fresh mana that has fallen from the heavens overnight.   Jewish exiles would call this a miracle, Tim Tebow calls it Tuesday.

7AM:  Its important to get a good stretch in before doing any type of strenuous activity.  Some people like to stretch alone, others like a little help from a trainer or workout partner.  Tebow requires several attendants in fancy clothing and a substantial weight and pulley system to limber up properly.

7:20:  Light Jogging.  A treadmill will do for you.  Tebow likes a few obstacles in his run to simulate game-like conditions. 

7:35: Bench Press.  Tebow looks like he can bench press a Buick…but since he’s from Jacksonville, he probably prefers lifting Camaros.  You might want to just start with the bar big guy.

7:45:  Check hair in closest mirror.

7:50:  Tossing the medicine ball.  Tebow demonstrates proper form and technique…

8 AM:  Squats.  The mere thought or Tebow doing squats makes Erin Andrews feel all tingly.  If you happen to be in the vicinity during this exercise, you might want to divert your eyes just in case Tebow’s powers extend beyond the skirted persuasion to a forbidden attraction that, in Florida, is only acceptable in South Beach and the deepest darkest swamp encased areas of the panhandle. 

8:20:  Water Break.  For you its the nearest public fountain.  For Tebow, Gatorade had formulated a concoction that replenishes his energy and enhances stamina.  Secret ingredient…Phil Fulmer flop sweat.

8:30:  Bi’s and Tri’s.  To prepare for occassions when heavy lifting  is required.

8:40:  Yoga.  Increased flexibility helps Tebow stay healthy through the rigors of the SEC schedule…plus the outfits make him feel pretty.

8:45: Hand-eye coordination work.  Repetition is the key people, cause when an entire third world village needs a good foreskin snipping you’ve got to be prepared to demonstrate that steady hand all day.

9 AM:Cool down and post workout snack.  Usually an energy bar or power shake will do.  Tebow has a more advanced post training pallet…infants.

Unbeknownst to the masses, baby feet are rich in protein and other nutrients.