Friends of the Program

Degenerate gamblers by nature and birthright, your humble blogging hosts Bunkie Perkins and Michael Medallion, and other special guests, try to give you some guidance as you wager your plasma donation earnings on this week’s games.   

 Overall Standings

Bunkie Perkins 14-10-1 (3-2 last week)

Mike Medallion 13-11-1 (3-2 last week)

Ole Miss -3 v. South Carolina

Mike Medallion and some of his clubbin’ cohorts help pick this week’s games…jager bombs for all.

BP:  Ole Miss.  The classic let down game.  Ole Miss is coming off the biggest win since they peed in Rudy Rudiger’s Notre Dame Cheerios in 1977 and they’re also the pretty new SI upset cover boy.  It has all the makings…but Spurrier is playing quarterback roulette these days without a home run hitter at receiver or running back.  The most improbably stat may be that Ole Miss, since South Carolina joined the SEC, has never lost to the Gamecocks.  Ellis Johnson’s defense keeps it close but not close enough.

MM:  South Carolina. To make my picks this week, I decided to head to the neighborhood bar (no, not Applebees) last night to see what the general consensus was among the winos and drunks in town about the games this week. Our old friend, Drunk Jock was there. He, along with two of his buddies, were at the bar telling tall tales about their latest sexual conquests when the topic turned to college football. So I asked them to help me make my picks this week. First up, USC-Ole Miss. Drunk Jock immediately blurted out “The Cocks Bust a Nutt” in this one. (Gosh, how we love cock jokes. What would we do without the Casey Dicks, Houston Nutts, Bobby Johnsons, and the Cock mascots of the world?) The others also liked the Spurrier-coached team on the road, so the Cocks and points will work for me. We’ll just hope for a let down by the Rebels this week and Jevan Snead throwing a few passes to the wrong team.

Alabama -16.5 v. Kentucky

BP:  Bama.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.  I will not bet against Nick Saban again.

MM:  Kentucky. Even though you’ll never hear a RTR from this crowd, they all thought Bama wins this one, just not by 17. Mind you that Kentucky hasn’t played anyone with a pulse yet. I still think they’re right, as I see this one ending up Tide 20 UK 7. So, C-A-T-S, Cats, Cats, Cats!

Auburn -4 @ Vandy

BP:  Auburn.  Tubs put the  Tony Franklin System and Aggressive Weight Loss Program out of its misery this week in favor of something that might actually garner positive yardage for the inept Tiger offense.  Solely based on talent, Auburn should be able to run the single wing for the entire weekend and cover the 4. 

MM:  Auburn. I had to be careful to avoid their delusional homerism (and my own) with this pick. Plus, they had been drinking for a several hours by this point.  Drunk Jock and his buddies seemed genuinely certain that Auburn’s defense would again be the deciding factor, and the offense (whether it’s The Spread or Auburn reverts back to 80s and runs the wishbone) would come around. I agreed about the defense, though I still have no hope in whatever is left of the spread offense or Chris Todd’s arm/shoulder for that matter. Since it was a consensus, I’m sticking with their pick and hoping for a fun weekend in Nashville.

Michigan -2.5 v. Illinois

BP:  Illinois.  Vegas loves Michigan for some reason and completely suckered everyone into laying the points with Wisconsin last week.  Never one to learn from our mistakes, we are rolling with the Zooker and his water skiing armor of awesomeness. 

MM:  Illinois. At this point, we’re all doing shots at the bar. Though, I did manage to get everyone’s focus back on football just enough to talk about Illinoise and Meechigan. No one had any faith in Rich Rodriquez. None. So, we’ll go with the Illini winning this one outright and Juice Williams having a big day.

Notre Dame -7.5 v. Stanford

BP:  Notre Dame.  The complete over-inflation of the significance of Notre Dame will continue for yet another week.  i fully expect ESPN to have their stock “Can the Irish get into the BCS?” report up and ready to go.  With the win, we fully expect a raucous celebration on the streets of South Bend…but you kids may want to tone it down a little.

MM:  Stanford.  By the time we got to this game, I could hardly keep their attention. After an incoherent discussion about a Tree and a Leprechaun, I think Drunk Jock and his buddies all agreed to pick Stanford. Though, they didn’t give any reason why. Heck, alcohol-induced picks are likely better than rationalized picks based on statistics and injury reports anyway. So why not?