Bear witness o’ loyal readers of FOTP, because there will never be a photo essay with this much awesome from today til forever at some point.  I flew down to the Plains of Auburn to meet up with this website’s other forefather, Mike Medallion, to embark on a 72 hour period of alcohol-fueled sporting goodness that will go down in the annals of time for its level of commitment, its recognition of all things southern by the grace of God, and, more importantly, for its complete disregard for sleep and long term liver health.  Behold the mother of all Below Average Photo Essays, dare I say its a little above average…

Friday – Our Arrival

We arrive late in Auburn, just in time to pass by Toomer’s Drugs before hittting the bars…also, vote for Kameron

Its the night before Halloween and my inner child doesn’t recall the gang from Sesame Street being this hot

The Alabama State Marching Hornets made an appearance…

…as did Rik Smits and his deadly hook shot.

The Annexation of Puerto Rico was in the house.

Every guy in Auburn with even a hint of a wispy beard thought this would be a hilarious costume.

Halloween in the South, where racist masks are buy one, get one free

And before the night was over, we ran into these two…lets just pretend they went as headless prostitutes, shall we?

Saturday, Auburn v. Ole Miss

The site of the Battle of Who Could Care Less

Auburn youngsters dress up for the big Halloween game…and later in life will make bad life decisions to get back at the parents that made them do it.

This banner just ran over Brian Bosworth.

JoePa was in town to make a quick buck

Im sure the omission of Terry Bowden was just an oversight on the part of the Auburn Athletic Department

Auburn football…light rock, less talk

Just a bit scary.

Inside the stadium, and fans of Evil Snead are ready for the kickoff

Gene Chizik…bringing the excitement, and impeccably pressed slacks, to the Plains

This guy dressed up like down the field passing and poor clock management for Halloween

It’s always sunny in the Auburn student section

And then things took a turn…

Not pictured…the cracker

We caught Aubie late to his Klan meeting

Well…that was unexpected

We. Are. Ole. Miss.

The Celebration that ensued was one of the most rambunctiously Protestant throwdowns we’ve ever seen

Seen on the walk to Toomer’s Corner.  Insert “The Office” reference here.

Before heading to the bar, we ran into Kev from the Morning Vent, and a pink bunny from North Dakota

We ventured out into the Halloween evening with a celebratory group of Auburn faithful

Photo cropping at its very best here, people…

…and here too.

This guy is saving himself for marriage…but, unlike the real Tebow, his is due to circumstance

I thought it was nice that this young lady chose to pay tribute to Tugboat from the WWF

More poon.

This is someone’s father…Happy Halloween Dad!

Sunday – Talladega

No one has ever made a right turn at this intersection…ever.

You know you are in the right place when basic human hygene is a luxury

What the redneck gates to Heaven look like…and of course, St. Peter would be there doing burn-outs to a captive sell out crowd

I’m gonna guess these guys are big Tony Stewart fans

We made our way down to the track…

and got a look at the hardware.

We stopped by victory lane…

But this guy was already a winner in my book

We checked out some of the cars…

…but it turns out that some of the fans were even more aerodynamic

Halloween at Talladega is always fun…

…it gives the fans a chance to dress up for the occassion…

…and wear designer jeans…

…and show your school colors. Talladega, Halloween, and an Alabama bye-week. Life doesn’t get any better than that for the Bammer nation.

We finally made it to our seats for a little racin’

This guy sat next to us the entire race, occasionally remarking at how theres nothing like the smell of gasoline and burning rubber…except for, we assume, the meth that he cooks up in his basement, that probably smells ok too.

Where else would you go?

We go three wide right from the start

Drafting while going 130 mph…totally safe

Getting four wide as a fancy Spaniard leads the field

Two things that Talladega fans are huge fans of, Dale Jr. and domestic battery (not necessarily in that order, probably)

Insert your favorite Talladega Nights quote here

Its the homestretch…186 laps down, 2 to go…

Until…

CARNAGE!  Hell Yeah! (Raise your beverage of choice in celebration…as long as that beverage is Bud Heavy and not one of those Communist beers like Coors Light)

You’re doing it wrong.

A fitting end to the weekend…wreckage, paramedics, and a guy with a strong affiliation to Crown Royal crossed the finish line first.

To see all 1051 of the pictures (yeah, 1051) from the weekend, head on over to the FOTP Picasa Account…and, we’re spent.