No really, would you have this survey turn out any other way? No. Could it even turn out any other way if it wanted to? Doubtfully. Lucky for the ladies of Columbia, SC the Cocks are the #1 University for Sexual Health in all the land. Go ahead, shout it from the mountain.

According to independent research firm Sperling’s BestPlaces, which fielded the study, positive feedback from students, and resources offered by the University of South Carolina health center helped the school rise to the top.

Since the Trojan Sexual Health Report Card’s inception four years ago, the Gamecocks have finished no worse than 11th in the country.“What really impressed us about the University of South Carolina, and what helped the school’s ranking was the high levels of trust students put in the campus health center,” said Bert Sperling, President of Sperling’s Best Places. “In fact, trust played a pivotal role in this year’s findings with centers that had higher levels of trust in student polls, like South Carolina’s, tending to score much higher.”

Gamecocks? No ‘mam. Safecocks.

And they’ll soon be hanging the National Championship banner in Williams-Brice to prove it.