I believe I’ve found Robert Lee’s Arkansas cousin.

Dwight David Honeycutt of Conway, Arkansas recently ran for a seat on his fair city’s school board.  As you’ll see in the video below (produced and expertly shot by his brother Roland), he’s a man of principle, a man of conviction, and a man who will beat you with an inch of your life with a trace chain if you so much as look sideways at his old lady…

Sadly, Mr. Honeycutt did not win his bid for school board.  Apparently the good townfolk of Conway aren’t as progressive as us outsiders were led to believe.  Yet even in defeat, he held a rally of sorts for his “constituancy”.  The “Dwight David Honeycutt Sweet Tea Party” as it was called, saw an always agitated and noticably sweaty Dwight David Honeycutt speak to the masses. Luckily a witness had an explanation for the perspiration.

Most all stood at attention when Dwight D. entered the room. He looked much like he did in the video. Tall. Solidly built, if not obviously “bear strong.” Bespectacled. Generally peeved-seeming. And profoundly sweaty. Because he feared the spotlight? Because of the small band of vocal protesters out front, brandishing signs like “Up With Decency, Down With Honeysmutt”? Because he spent the early part of the evening doing George Dickel shots with two spandex-clad strippers? Probably a little bit of all of the above.

As expected, Honeycutt was quite gracious in defeat tipping his cap to the two candidates that had qualified for the run-off election.

“Go to that Blanche Lincoln/Bill Halter debate,” he said. “Neither one of them are gonna tell you the truth. That they love reefer, and XBox and sex. But they do! How could they not?! They’re awesome!

“Sure, I want one of those airplanes you can land on a lake. I want a hovercraft. And a pet alligator. I want a claw-foot bathtub on my deck like in the Cialis commercials.  And Blanche Lincoln wants those things too! Why won’t she just level with us?!”

Nevertheless, Mr. Honeycutt has reveled in his newfound fame and may in fact frequent the local Chili’s a little more often…

“I’d be lyin’ if I said I didn’t love it. I had a girl approach me at the Chili’s bar in Conway and had me sign her tits. I mean, right across ‘em. Last year at this time I wasn’t signin’ any tits. 2010’s been a big year.”

I encourage you to go read the entire account of this event. If for nothing else to appreciate a man who counts as his political qualifications “going on a four-day mescaline-and-sex binge with Linda Ronstadt.”

Enjoy.