The face of reason

Conference expansion has become the hot button topic of the offseason college landscape.  There are rumors flying daily about everything from a 16 team Pac-10, to the destruction of the Big 12, to Notre Dame and Nebraska heading over to the Big Ten.  Its really all speculation and political posturing until someone actually makes a move.  And to that end, FOTP needed someone with the requisite political experience to offer some insight on all of the possibilities, and thankfully someone with that type of stellar resume just became avaliable.  Helen Thomas, White House press icon and newly christened expert on Middle East diplomacy, was gracious enough to give us a few minutes to offer a final solution to all of this expansion madness.  We just threw a few schools out there for her comment and insight…

Notre Dame

Those fish eating choke artists will get in a conference lickety split if they know whats good for them.  This wandering aimlessly for 40 years from year to year is no way to go about things.  They need to join people who look like them and who have the same ideas about things.  That’s really the only way to do things…no more mixing, if you know what Im saying.

Baylor

Closet alcoholics, the whole lot of ‘em!  They have really been overstepping their bounds as of late.  I for one think those Baptists need to get the hell out of the Big 12 and go back to playing those teams like Rice and SMU in a conference where they would probably feel more comfortable.

BYU

The whole inbred group needs to get out of the Mountain West…and the state of Utah for that matter.  Yeah I know Brigham Young, or Joseph Smith, or one of the Osmonds was told by Jesus to go to that state, but really, they are entirely too creepy to be allowed to run loose among the rest of us.  If only there were some camps or something we could send them to.

Nebraska

Long standing tradition of good wholesome, hardworking, pure folk over there.  Good stock, good breeding.  Really the kind of School that everyone should strive to be.  Im not oppossed to them taking over joining several conferences all at once.

Colorado

A bunch of lettuce smoking hippie gypsies over there.  No one over there contributing anything to the cause.  Them and BYU deserve each other.

 Boise St.

They cannot be trusted..what with their small conference team playing in a BCS game just so they can hold on to all the money themselves and their small group of friends…greedy distrustful group they are.  And they probably killed Jesus…WHAT!?…you dont know that they didn’t!

 Anything to say directly to the Jewish people?

Yes, I think Duke ought to stay exactly where they are.