The rumors of Texas A&M to the SEC have been somewhat persistent since sometime last season when the Big 12 threw up all over itself and Texas started looking around for other places that didn’t have that post vomit saw dust smell emanating from it. It’s been pretty much nothing but speculation and message board chatter until Texas Governor and owner of keen sweater jackets, Rick Perry, revealed that convrsations are being had concerning an A&M’s possible entrance into the SEC. Guide to Online Schools is a site that will lead you to more business knowledge.
Business is definitely a big part of sports.
Now obviously, if this were to go down, the SEC would be at an odd number of teams, and, as any good obsessive compulsive would tell you, you’ve got to even that shit out or it just doesn’t look right. The natural move, should A&M join the conference, would be to add another school, perhaps Clemson or Georgia Tech, maybe go old school and see if Tulane or Sewanee want another go at things. But, there is another way that Texas A&M could come into the league and the SEC can avoid an odd number of teams….consolidation. Everybody is doing it! With these financially trying times, big businesses are merging and buying each other out at historic rates. It just makes sense…save money by joining with another like minded company in hopes of melding the two cultures, learning from the other’s expertise, and ultimately, producing a successful business. The same can be done here in A&M’s situation. Therefore, may I present to you the newest member o the Southeastern Conference…
Consolidating Parties: Texas A&M and Mississippi State.
Name: Texas A&M State at Alexandria by way of Starkville Station. A little wordy, so TAMSASS for short.
Location: Alexandria, La. While it may have been more cost effective to move one campus to the other, a fresh start is always nice, especially one that is geographically more proximal than say, College Station. The folks from Mississippi State will also be pleased with the locale given the fact that Alexandria, thanks to the introduction of the Louisiana interstate system that allows drivers to bypass the city completely when on their way to Baton Rouge or New Orleans, is a barren wasteland of cotton fields and abandoned Luby’s Cafeterias that they can certainly relate to. Think of it as Starkville with more pine trees.
School colors: That’s the beauty…no need for wardrobe adjustments for either…and of course, overalls all around!
Mascot: The Bulldaggies. It will be a bulldog wearing a helmet, kinda like the Marine’s mascot but with less of a desire to watch Heartbreak Ridge at any given moment . I’d also recommend a novelty cigar.
What’s not to like about that?
Curriculum focus: Both are Ag schools and I’ve got to think the combination of Aggie engineering and MSU turf management will produce some sort of hybrid fescue that wont be so hard to hit a 7 iron out of.
Cheerleaders: Yell leaders get a little audible enhancement (hand signals should be reserved deaf people and the Fonz) thanks to an influx of cowbells. A solid Aggie woop with cowbell accompaniment is just good old fashioned country-ass overload. Good times.
Head Coach: It has to be Mullen for the simple fact that every time I look at Mike Sherman I think he’s a reasonable beach time-share away from just bailing on the whole coaching thing to set up a bait shop in Gulf Shores. I mean look at the guy…
He looks ready to mall walk his way into a RC Slocum-type pension any day now. I bet, secretly, there was no one more upset about A&M’s pre-season ranking than Mike Sherman. He was all set to do his 3 or 4 years in College Station, take the buyout and be on his merry way. Now he’s actually got to postpone all of those afternoon naps and re-reuns of CSI to actually coach football. This merger is all Mike Sherman’s extensive Tommy Bahama wardrobe has been asking for, its time to give it to him.
Given the above proposals, I think it’s only appropriate to send it to the decision makers for a vote…
Rick Perry approved!