Remember in grade school when the teacher told you how important it was to have good handwriting.  You’d have to take out those ridiculous three lined pieces of brownish paper and practice writing the upper case cursive Z until your hand started cramping.  They told you that you’ll never be taken seriously without adequate penmanship.  They told you that your very future depended, in part, on your ability to write legibly.  Well, after sifting through Bobby Petrino’s personnel files and Jeff Long’s notes therein, I can tell you, that “they” were completely full of shit.  Jeff Long has been able to rise to the head of an SEC athletics program with little more than short hand and arrows…so, there’s hope for all of us yet.

I, along with most of the Arkansas sporting media, spent the later parts of my day yesterday trying to decipher just what in the hell Jeff Long was scrawling out on pieces of paper during his investigation that led up to the firing of Bobby Petrino.  You, yourself can give it a go if you want, but if you tend to like to avoid going cross-eyed and possibly going into a full on grand mal siezure, here’s what you need to know:

• Jeff Long believed he had reason to fire Bobby Petrino for cause per the language in his contract,  and laid it out as such during his meeting with Petrino leading up to his firing.
• Jeff Long was way ahead of us on going through Petrino’s phone records.
• Petrino and Jessica Dorrell’s relationship began by eating lunch together in one another’s cars and just “talking”.
• After 4 or 5 weeks of this, in October, during one of those lunch dates…and I warn you, it’s about to get really sexy… Dorrell asked Petrino if he was going to kiss her.  He obliged.
• Petrino claims that the relationship ended right after Signing Day.  No word from Rivals on how this effected Arkansas’ overall recruiting ranking.
• Petrino had always told her that he would take her out on the bike.  On the day in question, she just happened to pull up next to him (She seems to indicate that they communicated and planned to meet up that day) on Crossover (a road in Fayetteville).  She parked and he took her on the ride.
• Bobby Petrino claims he was so drugged up that Monday that he doesn’t remember much.
• Petrino admits it was a bad decision to come to practice that Tuesday.  He said he was trying to act tough.
• Petrino admits to paying Dorrell $20,000.  Dorrell’s fiance says she told him that that money was a signing bonus so that she could go buy a car since the Athletic Department would not give her a courtesy car.  Also of note:  Jessica Dorrell’s fiance is a rube.
• The other people in the athletic department who interviewed Dorrell for the position came up with her as a finalist for the job independently of Petrino.
• Despite what Petrino claimed, Dorrell said, had the accident not occurred, she expected their relationship to continue.
• There’s a lot of mention of “The candy situation”.  That is either code for something dirty or Bobby Petrino just loves Mike & Ike’s.
• Petrino sent Dorrell 5 to 6 gifts, including at least one at her office.
• Petrino also wrote Dorrell checks, on separate occasions, in amounts of $5,000 and $3,000 for Dorrell’s wedding expenses.
• You should all go see Chris Bunch at the Fayetteville AutoPlex.  it sounds like he will give you a great deal on a car and your trade-in.