Drafts that last 3 days…right up Stephen Garcia’s alley
Much of the storyline leading up to tonight’s first round of the NFL Draft has been the two quarterbacks that are expected to go first. While there accolades are certainly worthy of the attention, there are several quarterbacks of collegiate note that are going to be waiting around through the weekend in hopes of hearing their names called. One such quarterback is Garcia. Garcia, given his off-the-field issues and penchant, when he was playing, to douse the entire field with kerosene and throw a match to it at critical times in the 4th quarter, is projected to go late or not at all in the draft. Despite the skepticism by the so called experts, Garcia is hopeful that his name will be called at sometime during the proceedings.
In preparation of the off chance of his name being called, here’s a mock draft, solely for Stephen Garcia, that will, at the very least, ease the pain of going round after round without getting the call.
Westvleteren Abdij St. Sixtus Westvleteren 12
A round full of premium picks calls for a round of premium beer and the 12 has been rated as the #1 beer of 2012. It is brewed by Belgian Monks and is often preferred to be served after a few years of proper aging. Drinking this beer early will convince NFL experts that Stephen has not only matured but he has found God in the process.
Abita Restoration Pale Ale
Like the Stephen Garcia, the Saints aren’t going to show up in the 2nd Round because of a few minor indiscretions that they’d like to just forget about and move forward from. In their honor, Abita Restoration Ale, of course.
Coor’s Banquet Beer
It’s a beer that says “I’m still classy enough to be your starting quarterback but I don’t need all the pomp, circumstance, and general good taste that some of those first round beer drinkers need”.
Pork chop in a can. The meal that’s going to get Stephen through the last half of the draft with both hope and stomach remaining at full levels.
Pabst Blue Ribbon
Drinking it can really only help Stephen convince teams that the new hip thing to do is draft your franchise quarterback in the the late rounds. Come on NFL, Stephen Garcia is The Black Keys before everybody started listening to them.
Miller High Life
I know it’s not all that great, you know it’s not all that great, but if it’s the only thing left , you’re know you’re going to drink it. That’s drafting Stephen Garcia in the 6th round.
Schlitz Malt Liquor
Cause at this point, fuck it.