We are a day out, and by now, if you haven’t already decided what you are going to be for Halloween, you are either scrambling to find something to wear for that office Halloween party where the totally hilarious guy in the office is going to dress up like the boss that no one likes…or you are just going to forget the whole thing altogether. Rather than abandoning the whole proposition of dressing up all together, FOTP offers, for those pressed for time and creativity, a few SEC-centric last minute Halloween costume ideas.
Go to each house and tell them you are Johnny Football. By about house 5 the whole neighborhood will grow tired of hearing about you and just throw candy at you hoping you’ll leave.
Zach Mettenberger’s Dad
Can double as a Florida fan costume in a pinch
Dress up like a state…any state, really…and just claim it as your own.
Message Board John Gruden
Wear a suit, carry a microphone and have an assortment of ties in various colors that you can change into over the course of the night. Be aware that creepy message board guys will likely wander by you, posing their runny-nosed kids near you so they can snap a blurry cell phone picture as proof THAT YOU ARE TOTALLY COMING TO FAYETTEVILLE AUBURN KNOXVILLE YOU GUYS!
Slutty Bear Bryant
The Bear ain’t showin’ enough cleavage, PAAAWWWWLLLL
Slutty Quarterback’s Mother
Just in case all of the Slutty Bear Bryant costumes are sold out.
Derek Dooley on crutches
Instead of accepting candy, just limp up to every house and start passing out your resume.
Did Halloween before everyone else did. Not attending any Vandy games unless they have a place to ironically park his 10 speed.
Just don’t go trick or treating anywhere near the Pike House.
Just dress up like regular Muschamp. Same thing.
Kristen Saban’s roommate
Just keep going by the Saban’s house on Halloween and ask for a reasonable out-of-court settlement
Low maintenance costume, plus it gives you license to trick or treat with a case of Coors original under your arm.
The urine smell may be a bit too much to tolerate but you can at least assume that the odor will keep the many, many creditors at bay.
An Auburn fan
Trying to run away from the problem will only make it worse.