Wrist surgery per rumors and whispers from those in the know.  No word as to how it was done (like it matters at this point) but, as one Nafoomer put it,  his side job as greeting and business card maven may have had something to do with it.  Either way, put on the Morrissey and hide the knives, cause me thinks Emo Hardy is going to have something to say about all of this.

You need a little class in your life, so enjoy the daily comedic stylings of Mr. Ron Bennington of the Ron and Fez Show (11-3 on XM 202, Sirius 197…the Official Satellite Radio show of Friends of the Program).

If a person says he fought in the Civil War. He’s either lying or a white supremacist. -Ron Bennington

Shreveport…where erotic fair food is welcome and encouraged

There are very few things more disheartening among SEC than the prospects of spending the bowl season at the Independence Bowl in Shreveport, Louisiana . But a mediocre season and an 8th place finish in the toughest conferences in the land will get you some nice parting gifts and an all expenses paid trip to the Port City. Teams and fans alike are sure to enjoy the oppressive heat, street violence, and…hey look, casinos! But this year it means even more as the shamefully proud Indy Bowl is cutting ties with both the SEC and Big 12, instead choosing to disappoint a whole new batch of fans from the ACC and Mountain West in the coming years. So, its time to get sentimental people! Its the last run in Shreveport for the SEC, so lets make it count! Time to cash in those free Jack Binion’s Horseshoe buffet vouchers before its too late! And to commemorate this last year, every week FOTP will be taking a look at which SEC teams have the best chance of going bowling in East Texas the third most glamorous city in the Bayou State.

1.  Arkansas (5-4, 2-4)  They control their own destiny at this point…a destiny that will probably end with a girl, ironically, also named Destiny, doing unmentionable things for a 20 spot at one of the Shreveport/Bossier’s fine gentlemanly-type establishments.  Now that’s a grail quest, people!  The Hogs have Troy and Miss. State at home before heading to the bayou over Thanksgiving.  Winning 2 of 3 puts Arkansas in good position, maybe even too good.

2.  Georgia (5-4, 3-3)  It was hard not to move the Bulldogs to the top spot this week. 7-5 and maybe even 6-6 seems like a very real possibility.  Nothing easy left on the schedule with Auburn and Kentucky at home and then a trip to Atlanta where Paul Johnson is likely to unleash fullback dive hell on the folks from Athens.  If I was Georgia fan, I might be pricing Port City Motor Inns right about now.

3.  Kentucky (5-4, 1-4)  One win and they’re in, eligibility wise, and that victory is most likely to come in the form of a trip to Vandy this weekend.  If they somehow fall victim to Bobby Johnson’s charm and good looks, it could be an uphill battle with games at UGA and against UT, not to mention Kentucky fan’s general disinterest in the entire goings-on thanks to the start of basketball season this week.  If they don’t make it, I blame John Wall.

4.  Ole Miss (6-3, 2-3)  They played completely and totally uninspired football this past weekend, so to honor that, I’ve taken the same attitude with this post.

5.  Mississippi State (4-5, 2-3)  The hardest remaining schedule of any of the contenders.  Bama this weekend, then to Arkansas, before the Egg Bowl in Starkville.  Unless something ridiculous goes on in the next week, Ole Miss and Mississippi State could be battling for the right to cap off the SEC’s reign of terror in the Indy Bowl.

Out of the Poll This Week: Originality

Other Receiving Votes: Tennessee, Auburn, Josh Booty’s Mug Shot, Southern Maid Donuts

I’ll be making another appearance on The Morning Vent in Mississippi’s capitol city Wednesday morning with sports radio host savants Kev and Jay. Potential topics to include Cullman Liquidation’s clothing line, Kelly Kapowski’s preganancy, and, who knows, maybe some football.

UPDATE:  Audio is up.  I was mezmerizing as usual.

Starting this Saturday, Nov. 14 (and appearing throughout the month), 10 very special college football teams will get to fill Oregon’s shoes as a canvas for Nike Interns as they take the field wearing the “futuristic” Nike Pro Combat uniforms. It is a win/win for historic programs who are always happy to take extra bags of cash and for Nike who can erase the invidual school’s identities and make them into distinctive symbols of the Nike brand.

And if you thought Nike’s talents were limited to sneaker, jersey design, and LeBron James commercials think again… they were also able to come up with 10 ridiculous (or ridiculously awesome if you are a pre-teen) slogans that will be available (we assume) everywhere in the days to come on dry fit Nike t-shirts (note: despite this temptation most fans have no business wearing dry fit in public).

Anyway enough exhibition, take a peek at what look and slogan they cooked up for Virginia Tech, TCU, Ohio State, Florida State, Oklahoma, Florida, Texas, Wash…errr LSU, Mizzou, and Miami:

VIRGINIA TECH

“UT PROSIM”

(Latin for “…that I may be of use…” anywhere but the quarterback position)

TCU

“DONT BACK DOWN”

($1 to Tom Petty eh Nike?)

OSU

“TRADITION”

(Clear victim of slogan writer’s block)

FSU

“FEAR THE SPEAR”

(Very pertinent for Tallahassee on multiple levels)

OKLAHOMA

“STAKE OUR CLAIM”

(To what’s left of Sam Bradford’s shoulder?)

UF

“FINISH THE MISSION”

(What is this the sequel to Armageddon?)

TEXAS

“IT ONLY TAKES ELEVEN”

(I guess… if your guys play Iron Man ball and never get injured or tired)

LSU **no really that is LSU not Washington**

“COCHON DE LAIT”

(Now you are just getting lazy and stealing Starbucks blends)

MIZZOU

“BEAST MODE”

(Sounds like a power-up in a Sega Genesis Videogame)

UM

“THE U KNOWS”

(Bo already knew 20 years ago)

We will say the Pro-Combat gloves are pretty cool, in a garrish 90’s fashion meets future football technology sort of way…

Now if Friends of the Program could write a SLOGAN it would go something like this…

“JUST PLAY FOOTBALL ALREADY, NIKE’S RICH ENOUGH”

Kelly Kapowski is with child.  If there was anyone capable of a virgin birth in modern times, I thought it was her…or at the very least I figured Johnny Dakota or Jeff from the Maxx would have knocked her up at some point.  Instead its some guy named Brady Smith, who is apparently an actor, but whose greatest achievement in life is marrying and impregnating Kelly Kapowski.

FDWL and now this…these are dark times we live in, people.

[HT: The Clinton Administration]

Its gone.  Announcement to come this afternoon.  Nice job Ole Miss students.  Your incessant desire to rage against the machine has left Ole Miss as a whole with one less bit of tradition…that being the song itself, and not the retarded chants that, hey guess what?…has never been a tradition and didn’t really start til sometime around 2005.  Well done, asshats.

Play us off Elvis…

Proving once again that I am nothing more than a 12 year old with substantially more harmful vices, Ill be spending all of my free time from now until well, lets just say for the foreseeable future, leveling up on the just released Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2.  Sleep and social interaction, neglect is a foregone conclusion, you’ve been forewarned.

Adding insult to injury… or should it be adding FAIL to insult?

Woman of the Week: ESPN’s Molly Qerim.  Note to Steve Phillips.  THESE are the types of women at ESPN that are acceptable home and career wreckers.  Only these.

• The full breakdown from the College football weekend [TheSportingBlog]
• The best signs from College Gameday [CGB]
• Clay Travis writes an open letter to Mike Slive [Clay Travis]
• Jahvid Best tests gravity, gravity wins [Dr. Saturday]
• The Fat Man is in touble…lets all hope Jake is ok though [R&R]
• Ohio State lets Penn State know what they think of them [ThunderTreats]
• The appropriate reaction by announcers to your team’s kicker missing the game winner [EDSBS]
• Chad Johnson…straight cash, homey [Deadspin]
• The Andy Reid “O Face” photoshop contest was high quality [KSK]
• DeAngelo Hall is none too pleased with the Falcons [TheBigLead]
• The Saints continue to roll, son! [SBNation]
• Lamenting Bill Walton’s retirement [Sharapova's Thigh]
• Fedor made quick work of things [SbB]
• What the hell…it’s almost college hoops season, and our guy Keith Carter answers a couple of questions about the Rebel Hoops squad [The Sporting Blog]
• Video of New Mexico soccer player Elizabeth Lambert’s handiwork…this time with a quality Ladybug’s reference. [TiricoSuave]
• The University of Arizona coeds had an Undie Run…why are you still here? [Busted Coverage]